You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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