Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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