That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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