that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
