Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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