I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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