If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
