My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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