dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
