careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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