My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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