I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
