i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize