is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
