but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
