oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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