found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
