where does the pee come out of this thing
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize