I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
