Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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