How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
