I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
