That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
