She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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