I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
