TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
