I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
