Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
