It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
