Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have aggressive nipples.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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