There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dignity is for republicans.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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