so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
