I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
