I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hippo gnu deer
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
