i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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