): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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