Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
