how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
