my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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