Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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