I will die if light touches me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
