you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
