turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
