ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We need to hang out more often

  Fav 13 3064 876

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.

  Fav 32 1084 5559

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (641): View more from Iowa

  since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.

  Fav 10 7147 2110

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me

  Fav 13 1672 4221

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.

  Fav 8 1270 3666

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.

  Fav 12 5285 1329

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl

  Fav 3 1828 915

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.

  Fav 3 836 2026

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.

  Fav 1 1150 611

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW

  Fav 5 661 697

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...

  Fav 3 616 401

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive

  Fav 1 355 187

  share tweet
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?

  Fav 0 69 8

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up

  Fav 0 37 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"

  Fav 0 80 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize