I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
