Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
