I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
