I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
