Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
