I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
