Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
