that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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