woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found your dick twin last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
