Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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