im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
