AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
