Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I enjoy the company of your penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
