Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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