I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
