I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
