Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
