I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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