My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
