Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
