Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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