I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
