Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
